The first song I sang to Paxton was This Little Light of Mine. Very late in the night of February 12th the instrumental version began to play through the Pandora station I had streaming on our iPad. As the rest of the world seemingly slept, Paxton and I snuggled as close to each other as we possibly could, and stole a piece of the night. I held Paxton against my chest and rested my lips gently on his perfect head. I could not believe I was actually a mom…I was really holding onto my very own son. In efforts to convince myself I was not lost amid a dream, I began an internal chant: “He is real.” “He is real.” “He is real.” My tears fell softly atop Paxton’s head as we exchanged some of our first secrets. Of course, I cannot share them; after all, they’re just mine and my baby’s. However, the background music prompted me to tell him a few of the thousands of things I eventually wanted him to know, including: …”I will never let anyone or anything put your light out, baby. I will do my very best to ensure you grow to be proud, confident, independent and strong – so your light shines bold and bright. I will love you so hard, and so unconditionally, that no matter where you roam or how far you go – your light will always guide you back home.”
Please help Paxton’s light shine for all the world to see. More importantly, let Paxton know we see his light, and that it – indeed – shines on.
This Sunday, December 9th, from 7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m., The Compassionate Friends support group has organized a Worldwide Candle Lighting ceremony. Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the ceremony unites family and friends to honor children who have passed away, at any age, from any cause. A virtual 24-hour wave of light will move from time zone to time zone across the globe. At 7 p.m., local time, hundreds of formal candle lighting events will be held, and thousands of informal candle lightings will be conducted in homes. Families near and far will join in quiet remembrance of their child(ren) who were taken too soon.
Watch for the light, sweet Paxton. Know you are loved; you are missed; you are remembered…and, most of all sweet baby, you are never alone. I hope you are safe.